Family Celebrates ‘Gotcha’ Days Over the Holidays

Ask anyone at the Callahan-Cross household in Halifax, and they’ll tell you that family is the most important part of Christmas time.

Tim and his husband Thomas have three sons. They adopted them individually when the children were five, nine, and 11 years old. All three are teenagers now, and Tim says they all love each other very much.

“We had no idea what we were getting into really, except that we were super excited,” Tim said.

He and Thomas got married in 2003, and in the fall of that year, they went to the Department of Community Services looking to adopt their first child. They completed the course and home study, and decided they’d take a child as old as eight. The next summer, they adopted a five-year-old.

“Our oldest son came from a wonderful foster home in Cape Breton, and we still keep in touch with the foster family today,” he said.

About three years later, Tim and Thomas considered adopting again.

“We spent about a year and a half getting to know our middle son before he moved in with us. We were friends with his foster mother. At Christmas, we learned that we were selected to become his family, and he moved in with us right before Christmas — so Christmas has become a very special time for our family because of that.”

It turned out Tim’s middle son had a biological younger brother. He moved into the same foster home his older brother had lived in. Tim recalled that initially the brothers were going to be placed separately, but he and Thomas felt there was a possibility they could be placed together — and Community Services agreed.

“They were both doing much better than they had been, and so the foster mom worked hard with him. We maintained contact between the brothers and developed that relationship.”

Tim and Thomas adopted their second son in December 2011, and their third son in January 2014.

Tim describes life in a household of five, with three teenage boys, as very busy. Along with birthdays, the Callahan-Cross family also celebrates the boys’ “Gotcha” days, which are the dates their sons first moved into the household. Tim says that a typical Gotcha day involves picking the boys up and taking them to a burger joint the family really likes.

“It’s been a really wonderful journey. There have been lots of rocky moments along the way, but that’s part of what develops your family. The three boys are now very much brothers. They are so close. One of the most remarkable things was bringing them back together.”

As executive director of the Nova Scotia Choral Federation, Tim says it was a natural progression for his sons to get involved in choir.

“They really are very different individuals, but they support each other a lot. Two summers ago, our oldest son got up and performed at choir camp talent night for the first time, and the reaction from his brothers was so heartwarming. They were so proud. As soon as he was finished, they ran up and gave him a big hug. Normally, they’d tease him about it, but they knew how important it was for him, and it was important for them too.”

When asked how they made the decision to grow their family, Tim explained that adopting was one of the few options available to them at the time.

“We really felt that we wanted to be parents. We had a number of friends who adopted, and we knew there were so many children who needed homes. The unconditional love you get back is remarkable. Knowing that you’re making a positive change in somebody’s life, to develop as a productive and happy human being, is the most heartwarming thing you can imagine.”

Tim speaks highly about the support that is available to adoptive parents. He said, “we’ve become aware of how helpful the staff at the Department of Community Services can be. There are lots of opportunities to do more training.

“There are mentorship programs and things like that, and we take as much advantage of those as we can, and that’s always helpful. We’ve developed a network of friends who are very supportive.”

One of the challenges Tim described is that the children are not like you from the start. He says children have already developed personality traits and have lived lives before they were adopted, and that can present challenges.

“I tell everybody that adoption isn’t easy, but having a family isn’t easy. It’s about the love and care you put into it, and the attention you give it. The most exciting part for me is just watching them change and grow, just like any parent.

“I don’t think we had any notion of how rewarding it would be. I have literally four guys who tell me I’m the best cook in the world, and Thomas gets the same kind of response for what he does for us. Seeing the world through their eyes is pretty exciting.”

Go here to learn more about adoption.